Bagelfish – A Weblog

Well, I have never done many reviews before, mainly because I get bored writing them. But mostly, there are so many better reviewers out there and mine just seem very dull in comparison. Of course I am alluding to Ben ‘Yahtzee’ Crowshaw, the best game reviewer out there! It’s not that he’s a great critic, because the IGN team do a much better job at looking equally at all aspects of the game. It’s just the way he presents himself and his opinions, it’s hilarious!

I however could never match to that level! I shall however try to make my reviews somewhat entertaining.

So, by request, I shall review Grand Theft Auto IV.

Now, first impressions of the game are that it seems very basic, not much better than the previous GTA games. The missions seem very samey and the tutorial aspect is so very obvious! ‘Take Michelle bowling so you can learn how to waste your time doing things that are so dull you end up never calling people and they begin to hate you because of it and then when you find something interesting you want to do with them you get rejected because nobody likes you.’

I mean really! Who would willingly go bowling in a game that is primarily designed so you can shoot anyone you like, steal cars and drive them really fast into stuff and even shoot anyone you like out the window of your car while driving really fast? It’s very very very dull, and takes no skill whatsoever. It may give the game more depth, so people will talk about how advanced it is, but that’s like people on holiday when they say; ‘Oh look, we’ve got a safe in our room, we can put our valuables in there’. Sure, they’ll use that safe once for the novelty value, but after that it just seems rather pointless. At least on holiday you don’t get the receptionist ringing you up asking if you would like to use the safe with her… Okay, bad analogy, but you get what I mean!

However, despite the lack of inspiration at the start, it doesn’t take long to get involved in the game. You get quite hooked mainly because the graphics are brilliant! It’s true, I never found interest in the GTA Vice City or San Andreas storylines because I didn’t like the graphics. The light especially, it was basically an experiment by the developers to see how realistic they could make it. The result was this: ‘Ooh that’s nice, it actually looks like a real sunset… shame I can’t see where I’m FUCKING GOING!’ You don’t get this in GTA IV though, they’ve obviously worked long and hard on things like that and produced a bloody lovely looking game!

Now, back to the storyline… You start off doing odd missions for random people just for money really. However, there later comes a mission that sparks off a big blood feud and Niko (the protagonist… probably should’ve mentioned this stuff earlier) sets out for vengeance, very dramatic like. Now, I haven’t completed the storyline yet, but I’m sure Niko get’s revenge and all works out well in the end…

It is a good storyline indeed, especially for this type of game where the player is totally free to choose what they do and where they go, but I have never felt properly engaged with the story. It’s all fine that lots of shocking/tragic/emotional things happen, but you never really feel as if you’re part of that experience. Probably because you spend the entire game hiding behind the cold hearted Niko Bellic, war veteran. He has no emotions whatsoever and doesn’t act as a regular human would.

This is why I often prefer the storylines of FPS games because you are actually put into the game rather than some character you control. I loved the storyline of Call of Duty 4! You feel real anger towards the antagonist, and at the end… let’s just say it gets rather emotional. I just feel rather empty playing GTA IV, I mean sure it’s fun, but I still long for the delicious soup of morality, topped with little croutons of consequence, served with a little dish of conscience… I think I’ve played that metaphor far enough now, and I think I’ve made my point clear.

Now, the reason I haven’t completed the game is because sometimes I just prefer to do the side missions. Some people would spit on this mad idea with disgust, sometimes however, it’s just nice to do some easy missions and take it easy for a while.

Now, of course if I’m talking about GTA, I can’t forget Sandboxing! I personally don’t think that sandboxing in GTA IV is as good as in the previous games. Now, many will dispute this, but I have my reasons:

Firstly, and I think this is my main concern… you can’t fly planes in GTA IV! Flying planes was one of my favourite things in San Andreas! Especially flying really dangerously, which I was actually pretty good at, but even if I crashed I could jump out with a parachute, which brings me to my second point…

There are no parachutes! What am I supposed to do when I helicopter my way up a really high building, but then fall off a ledge… I can’t spawn another, there’s no room. No room for a car either! I need a parachute to carry me safely to the ground!

I thinkapart from these issues, the sandboxing is as good as any other GTA game… well, it’s far better of course because of the advanced programming, but it’s all very similar anyway. The physics engine however is another issue… many people have complained about being flung out of a car windscreen, however this is not my problem, I personally love when that happens! I just imagine Niko shouting ‘For Justice!’ just before he bloodies up his face by eating pavement. No, the cars are not my problem… the bikes are.

I love riding motorbikes in games, it’s so much more fun than cars. However it always turns out that the steering is dodgy or something. That is less of a problem because I feel that you just have to find the right bike to ride on (the Zombie is my favourite). I just hate however when you’re riding, especially on a mission, and you bump into something solid you’ll be flung over the handle bars and end up really far from your sorry looking bike. It takes you time to run back over to get on the bike, but even then it takes just as long to pick it up and get on! By this time, you have undoubtedly failed the mission you were on!

If I were to make this into a metaphor, it would go something like this: ‘It’s like riding your favourite rollercoaster to work, it’s really good fun when it’s working well and going very fast, but as soon as you hit anything you are flung out from your seat and land several hundred feet away. By the time you get back in, you are undoubtedly late for work… also you’ll probably have some serious injuries…’ Although speaking of serious injuries, you often seem to be able to withstand some serious head/concrete smashing just by holding onto the handles of a motorbike!

Now, as for cheats… I haven’t experimented with this cheats in this game very much. Well, I only use the cheats for a car or a helicopter, which is quite often. But those are the only ones! I refuse to use a health/armour/weapons cheat. I wanted to play this game as legitimately as possible. And in actual fact, it doesn’t take too long to attain a full arsenal of weapons on your own, and as soon as you do the bank job you become totally loaded, so money isn’t an issue!

I don’t really have much else to say except that it is a very good game despite it’s minor flaws. Personally, it’s not my favourite kind of game, I’m more of a nerdy RPG type, but I have to say that GTA IV is a very fun game to play. Slightly frustrating at times… especially with bike chases, but enjoyable nonetheless, you get quite a good feel of accomplishment from it.

Overall, I give it 9/10. Excellent game, but not perfect.

9/10

Song: ‘Pink Floyd – Another Brick In The Wall’